In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.Ĭhuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.Ĭhuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. He potato-sacks them.Īccording to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.Ĭhuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
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Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.Ĭhuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.Ĭhuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. After you ask “Two seconds to what?”, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.Ĭhuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers “Two seconds till”. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.Ĭhuck Norris doesn’t read books.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
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